Straitjacket feeling
by Lily10
Summary: The saddest part about death are people’s reactions to it. -drabbles-
1. emotional girl

Straitjacket feeling

A/N: This is a collection of drabbles on various characters with the theme of death. Yes, how depressing.

* * *

Ino is the most emotional girl Chouji has ever known.

You can tell when she's happy by the way her eyes light up and her mouth will stretch wide enough to show all her teeth. If she was around Sasuke, she would blink more than necessary and even giggle a little behind a dainty hand with her eyelids lowered slightly. Around strangers, she tries to seem cute by laughing softly and tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear. But Ino laughs the best during the times she finds something truly hilarious and didn't care what others thought about her. She would throw her head back and bray like a donkey until she is left doubled over, wheezing for air.

You can definitely tell when she's angry because Ino makes sure _everyone_ knows. She will glare daggers and yell (my god she will yell) and possibly add some screaming too if she was really frustrated. Sometimes she will throw things. Often sharp pointy things. If you see an angry Ino, make sure to avoid eye contact and hide. If you are on the receiving end of an angry Ino, it's best if you stay where you are and endure her tirade as quietly as possible. It will only make her madder if you try to escape.

When she's sad, her lips will start to quiver. A second later she will burst into tears and sob her heart out. She will shudder and heave and cover her face with her hands because she's not a very pretty crier and knows it too.

So it was strange when one day, Chouji told her Shikamaru was never coming back and she did nothing at all but sit and stare at the clouds.


	2. run

* * *

Naruto is running. 

The kind of reckless running where you're throwing yourself forward blindly and crashing into random civilians like a human pinball. You don't care that you've tripped over a little girl or made someone drop their groceries. You don't stop to apologize and help the elderly man you've knocked over. You have your hands clutched tightly like you're trying to hold _something_ as Kiba jumps out of the way and pulls Hinata back in time as well ("_Hey!_ _Watch where you're going, Naruto!_"). Your heart's about to burst and you're gasping for air, not because you're tired but because…because…

Ten minutes ago, Kakashi told Naruto that Iruka died.

_Ninjas don't cry_, he remembers as his ankles buckle under and he finally collapses at the entrance gate.

For the first time, Naruto yanks his Konoha headband off and lets it slip from his fingers onto the ground with a clank so that anyone watching would just see some kid crying for his dad.


	3. playing along

It only takes a few hours for Kiba to find the exact herb Hinata had explained to him and he basks in a wave of relief so overwhelming, he has to stop to _breathe_ for a moment.

"I've been poisoned." She had told him after they were ambushed yesterday by a couple of Cloud Nins. Kiba is a little ashamed to admit that all proper shinobi etiquette were thrown out the window- although he was never really good at keeping emotionally unattached anyways.

"Are you going to die?" he'd asked stupidly, letting her see the worry in his face and how his hands trembled and his voice shook. They have no antidote and they were too far from home.

"No," she said after a breath or two. "No," she repeated, her voice a little stronger and he laughed when she described a particular herb for him to locate.

"Of course! I forgot you knew a lot about herbal medicine!" He'd exclaimed, reverting to his energetic self as she smiled back at him. Days later, he will realize how he'd also forgotten what a kind person Hinata was. Much too kind, really.

"You're going to be okay, Hinata!" Kiba is all smiles when he returns to their camp, waving the herb around victoriously like a flag while Akamaru added his own barks of joy.

"Thank you." She says and the way she says it makes Kiba pause for a second. He boils it in water like she tells him to and helps her sit up to drink it slowly.

"Stop it Akamaru! Hinata still needs to rest." He says sternly because the dog will not stop barking and leaping around with breaks inbetween to lick her face.

"I don't mind!" She quickly replies and reaches forward to bury her face in his soft fur. Kiba frowns slightly but does not say another word because she looks happy.

The following morning, Hinata is dead.

"Liar," he tells her corpse. Akamaru won't stop crying.


	4. gathering sunlight

**Title**: Gathering Sunlight  
**Characters/Pairings**: Sakura, Sai, Naruto

* * *

She kisses him but—

he dies anyway.

* * *

"You really are a wreck, ugly." Sai's smile never falters, but his eyes were a vortex of anger.

He examined her profile in his usual detached way. Pink hair, green eyes, pointed nose and lips that were too used to being pressed thin. Sakura should smile more. Sakura should cry more. Sakura should do something more than just work or sit around day after day because it's all she'd been doing for the past year. She should be happy, she should be sad. She should be punching him like old times.

"I don't know what you mean." Sakura replied apathetically over her quickly cooling tea, and continued to sit quietly with folded arms long after he leaves.

* * *

Sakura was afraid to move forward. She knows that she holds herself back but she doesn't know how to keep going. Sometimes she sees it as a tricky mountain pass. Other times, it's like a rickety bridge connecting two lands. Partly, it's the fear of the trip itself, but partly it's the fear that she won't ever go back. That there will be no way home. The truth is, Sakura feels like she's living in a stasis; that the place she is in now is grabbing her and holding her and making her spend the rest of her life longing for a single idealized moment that will never happen. She is scared of acknowledging the harsh reality that Naruto was dead, had been dead for a year now, and that he can't eat Ichiraku ramen or become Hokage or bring Sasuke back or annoy her anymore.

It was like a living thing -- a monster that was gnawing at her from the inside out. And yet, she could not bring herself to give herself a proper outlet for this pain.

* * *

Sai realized he needed to help Sakura understand. To connect to her through shared pain and loss. Pouring over old photos, Sai drew portrait after portrait, trying to capture something elusive in his drawings; something whole, something purely beautiful.

He wanted to draw Naruto in the way everyone had known him. A snapshot, a moment in time, a mark made meaningful. He wanted Sakura to look at his art and find something serene, and amiable and so noble it made her bones ache. But as he tried to work from the photographs, none of his drawings would come out right. The portraits in nice pencilled details lacked the emotion Sai was trying to convey. It was as if he was suffering from some sort of stage fright when he tried to record what he saw.

And so, Sai drew from memory as opposed to reality.

He remembered a boy. A hurricane of a boy that had the ability to change the entire world. He was loud and brash but kind. He had a village and friends that he loved very much. He used to laugh a lot and talk with his mouth full. He'd taught people the bonds of friendship and the nature of true strength. He'd taught people loyalty and determination and how to draw from the heart like what Sai was doing now.

A goofy, but handsome boy -- always perpetually grinning, high cheekbones, round face, tanned skin. Even the hair was lovely, utterly unruly and untameable, and a shade of blond that ranged from the colour at the tips – a perfect, sun-bleached blond – to the roots, which were the deep, rich gold of honey. And then you'd notice tiny touches, like the little whisker scars on his cheeks, and how one glance at his bright blue eyes, you'd be able to tell what he was feeling –

He put everything he had into the drawing because he wanted to reach Sakura in a level no spoken word could. That she would perhaps, appreciate the way he blended Naruto's hair, making it look soft and healthy or the way he made the black and orange jumpsuit look like fabric, or the way that he made Naruto smile fiercely, tearing his face like maybe the sun lied behind his teeth..

When Sai was finished, he looked up at the sky and was blinded for a moment.

He reached his arm up, palming the sun eclipsing his vision, and closed his fist; gathering sunlight in his grasp.

* * *

"Hey."

Sakura looked up from the medical text she buried her nose in four hours ago and asked, "What?"

Wordlessly, Sai held up his finished portrait.

Sakura stared at the artwork. Just stared at the image until the edges glowed, burning into the back of her eyes like embers. She stared and stared and—

Cried.

* * *


End file.
